Recently I had a moment that gave me a simple but powerful insight into emotional processing.
I was on a walk with a friend and somehow the topic of my 18th birthday came up. I had invited a group of people from summer school, and on the day of my birthday almost everyone called to cancel. Only one person ended up showing up.
As I was telling the story, we sat down on a bench. My friend listened for a moment and then asked me a question that changed the direction of the conversation.
She said,
“Where do you feel that in your body?”
My first instinct was to keep explaining the story. I started to describe what happened and what I thought about it.
But she gently interrupted and asked again.
“No, where do you feel it in your body?”
That question shifted everything.
Instead of staying in the story, I paused and noticed the sensations. There was a knot in my stomach. A heaviness in my throat. That familiar feeling of tears forming behind the eyes.
And in that moment I realized something very simple.
Processing an emotion happens in the body.
Replaying the story happens in the mind.
When we allow ourselves to simply feel the physical sensations of an emotion — the tightness, the heaviness, the warmth, the pressure — and we allow it for about 60–90 seconds, the nervous system can actually move that energy through.
But when we stay in the mind and keep retelling the story, we recreate the emotional state over and over again.
We think we are processing the emotion, but we are actually feeding it.
That doesn’t mean telling the story is wrong. Sometimes sharing our experience helps us feel seen and understood.
But if we want the emotion to truly move, the doorway is always the body.
So the next time an emotion rises up, try something simple.
Pause.
Ask yourself:
Where do I feel this in my body?
Then just be with the sensation for a minute or two. No explanation. No analysis. No story.
Just sensation.
It’s amazing how often something begins to shift when we do.
And I’m curious for you:
Where do emotions tend to show up in your body?
